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The idea that “opposites attract” is a common dating myth. However, there is no such evidence to prove it. Instead, similarity in personality traits and values is a stronger predictor of attraction and relationship success. While differences can bring some excitement to a relationship, it is important to share some common ground to establish a strong foundation. Many people believe that playing hard to get will make them more desirable and increase their chances of being pursued. However, it can actually decrease the perceived level of interest and attractiveness of the person playing the game. It is important to be genuine and communicate clearly to establish a healthy and honest relationship.
Don’t…take someone else for granted! Like you, the other person is trying to date in difficult times and don’t want their time wasted, so be considerate. If something doesn’t feel right, be honest and give the chance for you both to move on. Do…set healthy boundaries. Those who feel they give more than they receive in dating and relationships, may have difficulties setting healthy boundaries. It could be time to work on yourself first. There is plenty of help available like the Made My Date ‘Coaching for Dating’ service, to set boundaries and provide tools to help improve your dating.
Many of us have this idea that we need a movie-worthy meet-cute when finding a soulmate. But closing yourself off to any meeting that isn’t locking eyes across a crowded bar or running into a long-forgotten high school sweetheart from back home (Hallmark Channel style) limits your chances. Despite what Hollywood has us believe, we can meet worthwhile people anywhere. You could meet your ideal partner during a meeting, at a book club, in an elevator, while out walking your dog, or yes, on a dating app. The more options you keep open, the higher your chances of meeting people that you’ll enjoy being around. Instead of waiting for a “meet-cute,” try to remain open to any possibility that feels right for you.
For some guys, they go about this subtly. Instead of directly asking the girl out on a date, they stick around her and do nice things for her, hoping she’ll start having feelings for them. But in any case, waiting for a lady to make a move on you is a huge dating mistake. It’s a simp move. If you want her, just go for her. There are also a group of guys who have a fantasy about the kind of girl they want but don’t do what it takes to get them. And one of the major reasons for this is that guys often select the kind of girl they want based on ego. They want the girl that has it all. The looks, the great skin, the class, and everything in between. And because of this perfect ideal they have in their heads, they pass on great relationships. This, however, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with having high standards. But be realistic with your standards. Don’t have standards that are only possible in your fantasies.
Most guys believe they have to be tough all the time. Men are taught very early on to not show too much emotion. And for this reason, most men learn to not show any form of vulnerability around women. But the truth is that vulnerability can make a woman feel more connected to you. Think about it. Showing a woman that you can be vulnerable around her tells her that she’s special to you. It means you trust her, and she can trust you to be transparent with her anytime. For instance, some men will still like to show dominance even when they are at fault. But a man who willingly opens up and simply admits his wrongs, though is vulnerable at that moment, will only melt his woman’s heart with his honesty and emotional maturity.
Ask for Clarification: If your date makes a comment that you don’t understand, smile, and politely ask them for an explanation. Sometimes I use humor to do this, “Educate me, can you explain, I really don’t understand?” That gives your date a chance to elaborate on the subject while you get the chance to better understand their values, perspectives on life, interest and a whole realm of other important factors while getting to know someone out in the dating wilderness.
Dating is supposed to be about finding what you want, not becoming what someone else wants. Some people will like you and some people won’t. Whether or not someone wants to pursue a relationship or a second date with you has nothing to do with how likable you are, but it does have to do with compatibility. And I think we can all agree there are many people we wouldn’t mind being incompatible with. Prioritize what you want in a partner by making a list of non-negotiable qualities or values you want, and stop yourself from getting caught up in what a relationship or person could be. Instead, ask yourself if you genuinely enjoy each person you’re talking to and whether or not they deserve you.
Work through your baggage. Everyone has a few scrapes and scars from previous experiences that can creep into their love lives. For instance, maybe your parents failed to show you consistent affection, and now you find yourself being extra needy in relationships. Or maybe your ex cheated on you, leaving you with some serious trust issues. Regardless of what baggage you’re carrying around, it’s time to dig deep and work through it. Otherwise, it may prove next to impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone new. Bottom line? Clear your mind of “the one who got away” and you’ll have a much easier time recognizing someone great when you see them. Whether that means meditating, working with a therapist or dating coach, practicing self-care, or keeping yourself busy with healthy distractions, the point is that you’ll be far more likely to actually achieve your romantic goals IRL, rather than just in your head.
Communication skills can make or break any dating situation. Case in point: if the fact that a date hasn’t introduced you to their friends is bothering you, and you don’t say anything to them about it, you’ll probably end up building resentment until you explode — and then they’ll be blindsided. So, once again, make it a point to start sharing your needs, wants, and feelings with the people you’re dating. It may feel scary at first, but it’ll pay off in the long run by helping you to A) better evaluate your compatibility with someone early on and B) avoid unnecessary conflicts.